The Bedroom Wars

Not a book review I’m afraid but I think it would make a great title for a Hollywood Rom-Com. And what a story it would be. Maybe you’re in the trenches for this one because it certainly seems to be a bigger, and sometimes more amusing, and widespread scenario than we realize.

Would our blockbuster film be Pretty Woman, Knocked Up, or When Harry met Sally in its style. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, What Women Want, or especially While you were Sleeping leap out as the most appropriate titles for this movie, but sadly, they’ve already been used by this popular genre.

As part of Stop Snoring Week researchers have shed light on a whole host of annoyances that British couples face when they’re between the sheets, with nabbing the duvet emerging as the biggest bone of contention by far.

According to this month-old survey, an average couple bicker in the bedroom 167 times a year. One in ten couples claim to have an argument over the nightly affliction at least twice a week – with well over half of the respondents blaming men as the worst culprits for snoring.

However 39 per cent said both sexes were as bad as each other, according to the poll that was conducted on behalf of hotel chain Premier Inn to coincide with National Snoring Week.

Besides yanking the duvet from each other during the night, the second reason for a night-time squabble is the age-old of problem of snoring. Not quite so easy to resolve as changing the double duvet to a King Size.

Other major bedroom disputes include whingeing about being too hot, allowing the kids to sleep in the bed and not being ‘in the mood’.

“Our research shows most of the arguments that British couples have in the bedroom are down to habits that are very easy to resolve as a relationship develops,” states Claire Haigh, of Premier Inn. She then goes on to say:

“We conducted this research to coincide with National Stop Snoring Week and the findings discovered that a lot of people are seriously affected by snoring and hogging the duvet.

“People suffer from snoring to varying degrees and the research shows how something like snoring can impact on our day to day lives especially if one person in the relationship is missing out on much needed sleep.”

The poll also revealed that the average individual in a relationship is disturbed nearly twice a week by their partners snoring, but one night a week they even wake themselves up with their own heavy breathing.

The survey took into consideration 2,000 people all of whom are in a relationship. Of those exactly half said that their partner snored.

Other issues that lead to disagreements in the boudoir include allowing children to sleep in the marital bed and venturing on to the wrong side.
Being touched by freezing cold feet is also likely to cause tension because of the bedroom being too chilly. The time at which couples go to bed, leaving lights on just for one of them to read and leaving drinks on the bedside table were also likely to trigger the problem.

What a film plot it could be; Bridget Jones beware. In fact what a great sequel this could be for the married Bridget and ‘Mr D’Arcy”, a piece of typecasting that Colin Firth will never lose for years, and may not wish to.

I can see it now as Bridget and the Bedroom Wars – a Box Office sensation.

At the end of the day though, the conclusions of the research are simple.

All these are things that can be so easily resolved with a little more care, thought and consideration. The snoring too is hardly a problem with the ready availability today of simple to use, NHS recommended mouthpieces, such as SleepPro offer for a few pounds. What a wise investment this would prove to be for anyone caring about their health and relationship, – and it’s so much cheaper than divorce.

Look out for the sequel – Snore and Peace – with its long years of romantic bliss and contentment.

By John Redfern